If The Name Fits: Coronavirus Edition

COVID-19 is STILL in search of a good name.

The World Health Organization (WHO) relatively quickly let Wuhan off the hook. The virus started in the metropolis of Wuhan in the populous province of Hubei. But COVID-19 sounds like a WWII prisoner-war prison camp for Allied aviators, so everyone is still running around calling illness "coronavirus." That's all well and good, but coronavirus is a class of viruses that include the generally-just-annoying common cold.

Well, we have a pandemic virus that has been  world renown for almost two months. Pandemics could get their names from place of origin or as suspected place of origin, for example "Wuhan Virus," "Wet Market Virus," or "Spanish Flu." Pandemics could get their names from the source animal, such as the "Bird Flu," "Swine Flu," or "Bat Virus." Pandemics could get their names from the people who discover or help publicize them or were courageous in fighting them, for example "Alzheimer's disease," "salmonella," or "Li Virus" (in honor of the doctor who was muzzled by the government in China and later died from COVID-19).

So, what about the villains? "Hallervorden-Spatz disease" is named after two doctors, one of which was a Nazi doctor who was directly responsible for the murder of 60 children. What if COVID-19 was names after those responsible for,it going pandemic? It would be easy to name the coronavirus after General Secretary of the Communist Party of China Xi Jinping and called it "Xi Virus," but who can pronounce his name? Talking heads say it on the news from time to time, so it is possible for the name to catch on. How do you say it? "Zzee?" "She's? "She?" "See?" "Hsi?" What is he called?

But is Xi singularly responsible for the spread of the disease? How 'bout "Politburo Pandemic?" "Authoritarian Virus?" "PRC Virus?" "Central Virus 2?" What are the colloquial and official names of the central power in China? Its the Communist Party led by the - 

Oh, who the he'll cares!?! It's the "Xi Cold!" Say it however the hell you want.